Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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