I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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