i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
