I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
