Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
