Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
