things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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