go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
