My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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