yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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