I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
