dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
