a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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