Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
