he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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