chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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