Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
