I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
