She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
