Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
