Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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