Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
