I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
