You're my little dorito
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
