Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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