If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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