dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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