Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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