love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
