drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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