ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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