Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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