I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
