Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
