nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
