I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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