Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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