All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
