Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My penis needs a shock collar
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
