I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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