No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
