No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
