I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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