apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
