last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
