Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
