just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
