Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
