It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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