I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
