My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
