I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
