she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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