i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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