You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
sex in a hospital.. check
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
