well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
